The Best type of catch up

Somehow this evening my mom and I were talking about extended family and what everyone was doing in their lives, and I made a comment that I felt a family member had written "THE" unanimous letter in March 2019. She told me it wasn't who I thought it was. After sitting thinking back to that day it made me realize how far we have come in our little family lives. Back then Megan was in therapy, I had just started therapy, Justin was working night shift, I was working for a company I hated, life was so hard. Fast forward and I can truly see God's Grace in our lives. 

      In just two weeks we are moving to South Carolina! I will no longer be working, Justin working first shift, we will be in a home with bedrooms for each kid. Megan graduated therapy last month, and I am graduating therapy by default because we are moving out of state of my therapist (lol) I just want to pretend that I am a fixed woman and say I am graduating too though. lol. In reality my therapist may read this and shake her head, knowing perfectly well I am not a changed woman. I still struggle with self worth, and finding happiness, but I also think she would say that I have come so far. 

      I went into such detail when our trials were hard. When the small rainbows in Meg's pictures were what gave me hope. Well let me share that Megan is as wonderful and happy as she has ever been! She sings, dances, makes jokes, plays with her siblings. She is absolutely in the best place she has ever been. I credit this to her amazing therapist Kara. I credit this to Megan who has worked so hard to be where she is, I credit this to Justin and I who prayed over her, worked with her, and mostly loved her. But the greatest credit goes to God. He knew exactly what my baby needed, and he trusted me to give it to her. I have learned more about Love these past few years then anything. I have learned that what I desire so much is the same that every other person Needs! There is not enough love given. It makes my mommy heart so happy when I hear my kids sing. That to me means happiness abounds. So I wanted to update on that very important part of our lives. 

       God has placed us in families for a reason. I know that coming from a broken home, what impacts that has had on my life. On my self worth. I know what comes from a sealed hard working family that stays together. It is love and happiness. Children do need a father and a mother. Each has talents and abilities that simply put the other does not. Justin can go out and play with the kids where I can hug and emotionally comfort them. Each so important, but so different. What had been missing in our marriage for a long time was a family unit that was on the same time table. A family struggles when it can't work as a family. When you have two parents that aren't ever together, means that there are two single parents. It impacts every facet of life. Truly! I know that these years of marriage up to this point are so that this next part would be oh so delicious. I won't take it for granted. At least I will try not to. 

       I get to be a stay at home mom now! God has made a way for me to be home and make sure all of the things that need attention are given the proper attention they need. Justin will be supporting our family financially and together we will truly be able to raise our family up to God. I am so excited for this next chapter. Will it have its struggles, we of course. I actually hold my breath for them. But I also now believe that God blesses. And he doesn't do it just once. That is something my therapist has really helped me to see. 

        A year and a half ago I was so jealous of the happiness others had in their lives. It still is something I have to consciously work on. Like I have to actually say to myself, this will make you happy. lol. And then when I feel happy unexpectedly, it makes me cry out of gratitude. 

       Its hard to always feel grateful for a trial, especially when you are in the middle of it, and maybe its because I feel the low of the waves right now that I can say this, but I truly am thankful for how far we have come. How far I have come. I know my family has worth. I know I have worth, because God created me. That, that in itself gives me worth. But he put more into me then just a shell. He gave me the ability to love deeply. He gave me an open book personality. 

       Let me assure you that God does not want us to walk alone in this difficult wilderness. He doesn't. He places in our lives people who we can love and who can loves us. He shows me every day that if you have someone to love then you have someone to love you. In this world where politics are more polarizing, I truly hope that my little message of love can be heard. I know we come from different sides of things. That doesn't make either of us bad. It just means we have a different way of getting to the same common goal. We just want to be happy. So lets try and make the way a little bit easier, and try and love someone else a little more. But don't forget that without loving yourself first, love doesn't have the same meaning. When we heal the broken vessel first, we are able to carry water to others that need it also. I am not near done being fixed, but I am learning to self care more. Lets not just make it home to God, lets make it home to God happy. And this can be done with Self care, and loving others. 

       So for now I will say good bye, I'll write another update down the road, but I really wanted to write tonight. We've come so far. I can't imagine what another year and half will look like. Life feels so good right now. I think it will continue to, if I focus on loving myself, loving my family, loving God, and loving others. I think in this there is wisdom. In this there is peace.