I got home from what was a long but good day. Working til the minute chimed 3 pm to quickly be off to meet Justin. I asked E if daddy had checked the mail and he said he didn't think so. I went and checked the mail. Just junk. Then I came inside and found that Justin had gotten mail also. And sat a letter opened with our names on it. It was a letter addressed to us, and from us, and typed. I really hope that person reads this. The letter wrote:
Dear Kelly & Justin,
I've been debating writing this letter but it kept nagging at me. About a month ago I had put my kids to bed, the house was quiet and so I got on facebook. I was looking at some of your pictures of your kids and stumbled upon your blog. I read some of it but what really concerned me was your sharing information about your little girl, her temper and her desire to hurt her brother. These are not things you should share on a blog. Perhaps in a journal, privately. Putting info out there can prove to be hurtful to your little girl. I personally would not feel comfortable letting my kids play with her. I know I am not alone feeling like this. Some of the other moms feel this way, too. What kind of damage will be done to your little girl if no one is allowed to be her friend? It is hard to recover from something like this.
Thing about writing your feelings in a journal. Especially when you are talking about other people.
Sincerely,
A friend
First off, FRIEND, why don't you stop hiding behind typed letters, signing friend, and not even putting your address and actually talk to me? I teach my children to love, not to discriminate. I am glad you are keeping your children away from mine, because if this hate is what is being taught to your children then shame on you. I wouldn't want my precious babies to be any where any of it.
I share these experiences so that others will not feel alone. For too long people have been silenced in fear of these anonymous letters from FRIENDEMIES. If you are really trying to do good, then maybe you should talk to me. But don't you ever tell me that my child is not worth loving! Nor that she deserves less love because of her difficulties, and that people are not allowing their kids to play with her. I have never been more disgusted then I am by your letter today.
I share these experiences because silence is part of the problem.. I am glad you wrote me this letter so that I can address what is bothering you so much. Could I keep this in a journal and keep it private. Yes I could. But as a family we talk about these things openly. We don't want there to be a stigma around it, we want all of our kids to know that depression is real, and how to combat it. We teach our children to read the scriptures, to pray, to talk to us when things are bothering them, we teach them about how God created medicine to help people like me.
I have had a desire to go and live in the middle of no where and live off the land. I ask Justin if this is bad to desire this. I feel that it is because I can't do good for others, or share the joy of the gospel in the middle of now where. But at the same time, I truly feel that as a society we push ourselves to have depression and anxiety. Adam and Eve were put into the world for breaking a law, and were commanded to til the earth, and multiply and replenish the earth, and to teach their children about God and his promises. They had troublesome children also. Cain wasn't good all the time. I mean he was the first to murder. Adam and Eve one generation and they had to deal with a son who committed a great sin. They had to live to survive, and to support their children so they also could live to survive and have a place to be tested and tried. Our day in time, we don't just have a community that we are connected with. We have so much more to worry about. We put on our plates: perfect church attendance, the perfect family, the perfect home, the perfect car, the perfect prestigious job, going to a great college, great grades, being the best at our calling, volunteering, temple work, going to the temple, eating healthy, working full time, paying bills, pets, social media, school, bosses, co- workers, church members and so much more. By nature I don't believe God intended us to be so caught up in more than just surviving and learning and teaching about him. That had to change because we multiplied and replenished the earth. But with intellect people think that we have to have more and do more to mean something. I truly wish I could go and live off the land and worship God all my days. But instead he put me in my community, in my job, in my family, in my world, because he needs me. But he also knew that this sort of lifestyle is more than our bodies/spirits can understand right now. So He gave us medicine. So that we can still function while we work to serve him.
I called a friend, she helped me to feel loved. She helped me to know that my babies are loved. She told me to ignore the letter, to throw it away, not to think of it any longer. But I wouldn't be me without addressing it. So to whomever wrote this letter I forgive you. It is not easy. But I do. I forgive you for making me cry so hard tonight I have the worst headache. I forgive you for making me feel like there were a group of women speaking about me behind my back. I forgive you for making me fear for my babies. I forgive you for hurting my heart and breaking trust.
I know not everyone is as open as I am. I get it. I acknowledge it. But God made me this way for a reason. And I am not going to be ashamed of who I am. I am an open book for the most part. I don't think this person will ever understand why I am so open. But maybe someday you will have a trial, that you wish you could talk to someone about. And hopefully you will find that person because they were brave enough to be open about their difficulties.
There is no reason we should not be there to love and serve one another in our difficult times. God placed us in small family units in order for us to understand the greater family unit. We are all of God's children. Not one is less than the other. I am trying to remember that as I re-read your letter. I won't ask for your forgiveness because only God can be my judge and I think he knows the intent of my heart when I share these things.
So with that I will say, have a good night.
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