So life is same as it has been for weeks now, which is hectic. With Justin in school now, I no longer have the luxury of just taking the bus home and sometimes walking into a wonderfully cooked meal. No life has hit reality finally. Instead I hop on an even more cramped bus, go over to Justin's work, pick the car up, head over to get Lylia, get home make dinner, do bath time, and then its bedtime. I don't get a ton of sit around time, but neither does Justin so we are even. lol. Some days are hard, but I am finding with a lot of prayer, reading my scriptures that the hard feelings I have towards work are becoming easier to bare. At least right now I can say that.
Lylia got to go on a field trip today to a read a thon. She was so excited because she was allowed to wear her PJ's to school!
Justin and I for no real reason both woke up at 3:30 am this morning. Neither of us could go back to sleep so we got to talk for an hour or so. Although I knew my body would hate me later, but it was nice to have that time to talk. We mostly quoted stupid movie lines and laughed, and would tell each other what little things that Lylia says that are hilarious!
Well I heard these Lyrics on a song, and what I heard is actually different than the real Lyrics, but I like my version more because it was what I needed to hear on Monday morning when I was going back to work. Change this feeling under my feet/Change my feet/Change me. I was thinking that is what my prayers have been about lately. I've been praying to change work, to make it better so essentially change the feeling under my feet. Like changing a side walk to rubber or something like that. So then I started to think that maybe I was praying for the wrong thing, so then I started to pray that Heavenly Father would change my feet. Give me better walking shoes, or less of a high arch, give me things that I like about work. Then that didn't seem to be working, so then I realized that I needed to pray to change me. That there is something to learn from this, and I am not sure what it is, but in a blessing I received recently Heavenly Father said, "I know the bigger picture." I trust in him, I trust in prayer. I know that with faith that he can change me, and that through this process I will learn to handle change and things that are difficult with more ease. I am thankful for a Heavenly Father who knows me, and knows my bigger plan. It is as the Book of Mormon teaches, Nephi did not know the bigger plan at the beginning when he was asked to get the Plates from Laban, but over time he learned what he should do. Why do I keep forgetting this. So this week I am praying for him to change me rather than praying that my circumstances will change. I just want the best for my love Justin, and my ducky Lylia. I care so much for them, and want every happiness for them.
4 comments:
I love you Kelly!
This was so nicely said. I think you answered your own question when you stated that you weren't sure what you were to learn during this time....I think part of what you were to learn was to be willing to change what you pray for...to be willing to change yourself....to be open to new possibilities. I like how you likened the scriptures unto yourself. Made them apply to you now. Nicely said. I am proud of you for working through this difficult time. For finding the joy in the little things like waking up in the middle of the night and laughing with your spouse. Those are the things you will remember.
I am in counseling with Ben right now (not because of our marriage, but because of the circumstances in our lives and trying to accept the atonement in our lives) and yesterday was almost the same message. You think you understand something and know what to do, but until you ask and truly "get" the other perspective- it is you [me] that is fumbling around in the dark.
I am glad you are listening and going to the right places for answers. You are definitely someone to look up to. Thanks for being that example. Love ya!
This is a really great post Kelly. I think sometimes I forget that I'm the one that needs to grow--I'm too busy hoping Heavenly Father will make the way easier. It's a hard thing to embrace, but you should be proud of yourself for waking up each day and accomplishing it. You're doing good and we're all really truly proud of you. Keep up the good work.
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