Memories!

So I hardly ever really write on my blog any more because I usually do it when I am not busy at work, which means I don't have pictures here to post on it also. Well I was sitting looking at my facebook pictures today and so many memories came back to me. But most of the ones that I was thinking about were when Justin was on his mission in England. These memories are good but really make me love Justin so much more! I sometimes wake up in the middle of the night and cuddle extra close and cry because how much I missed him. It still affects me to this day! To me it is a bit funny how it still affects me to this day.
I was thinking about this and how through out my life different memories affect me at different times. I really think this is a way Heavenly Father helps me to remember the lessons I once learned, to help me with the right here and now.
For a long time my parents divorce crippled me. It was often what would keep my up crying at night... Then something else came along that affected me more. Like meeting Justin to only have him leave me. Or when my grandpa passed away. Although I am excited for Justin to become a funeral director, I can't help but still be who I am, and be sad that we will have loss in our lives on daily basis. I know that with the knowledge of the gospel that we should be okay with death, and that is not the part I struggle with, but more so the saying good bye for a time part!
I would be devastated if I ever lost a family member, or if anything ever happened to my Lylia or Justin. I am afraid just as everything goes right, that everything will come crashing down, and I guess that is why I feel anxious these days. We are finally getting to the end of school. In two weeks we will know 100% sure if we are into mortuary school, and then just one year of school! Things are finally coming to pass that we have been waiting for, for a few years now. We are excited to grow our family, and in a sense feel a little more in control of our lives. The day that we are where we are going to be for sometime will truly bring tears to my eyes.
When we go through difficult times it is hard to know why you are supposed to go through it. Why did I move out to Utah if not to get an education? Well because I was supposed to meet my eternal love Justin. Why have my dad leave our family? So that I could have a wonderful step dad! Why not have a baby when I want too? To love the one that I do have! Why be in school for so long and have so much debt? To appreciate the small things! Why have health problems? To have empathy for those who have it worse, and to appreciate the healthy days! Why have friends who stop being friends? To meet more of God's children. Why work all day long when I'd rather be at home? To learn the value of work, and education, and to enjoy the time I do have at home.
I am glad that today I have this out look because when we go through so many difficulties it is hard to remember the good things in life. The other day I was feeling particularly sad, and Justin said lets think of all the good things in our lives. I couldn't think of one. I regret having those thoughts. I am just thankful that today I can listen to music and write out my thoughts. I am thankful that today my back doesn't hurt. And today I am glad that when I woke up I was snuggled next to a sweet little girl that said, "kiss please?"