Some things you may not know about me!

When I was younger my dad left our family to find his "happiness".  This at times still causes me pain. But my mom did something all those years ago that has remained with me still and has still brought me peace. When my dad moved out he did some things that scared me so badly that I had nightmares about my dad. To be honest when I still have nightmares they always have my dad in them. My mom didn't want it to be this way so my mom put me into counseling. I hated it! I use to scream and kick my feet and would often have to be wrestled into the car and then driven a half hour away to go to counseling. Every session I would come out feeling angry at my mom and the world. These counselors seriously couldn't help me I thought. They just wanted to talk about all the bad. Why would I want to go and sit and talk with someone about all the bad.  Or how I watched my dad leave one day while my mom was gone, knowing that he would not come back. So I kept switching counselors. Either they would try to make me talk, and I didn't want to, or they wouldn't talk about the right things. I just hated it. Until one day I was sitting with a counselor that just played games with me. We drew pictures and scribble games. For the first time I felt like someone knew me and understood me. One day I was drawing a picture of a tree, and she asked me why I was drawing a tree. I told her that it was because whenever I look at trees I feel peace. The type of peace that takes all my worries and fears away. Its not just that I look at a tree and it gives me that feeling, it is how I study its trunk and limbs and the leaves and how it moves in the wind. The textures and colors. It just is incredibly beautiful to me. That counselor taught me how to draw trees different ways. She helped me find the peace in my life, and told me it was okay to talk just about the peace. She opened a part of me that has remained with me since. It brings tears to my eyes just thinking about it. I am thankful to her for just letting me draw and giving me a place to not talk about stuff. It was a refuge and it was what I needed. So did you know that I love trees that much?! Well I do, I LOVE trees. When I really study a tree I feel a spiritual connection I don't get from anywhere else. This is also why I love genealogy. Get it family tree!  So this has brought about something else you may not know about me, but I want to train in the art of bonsai. The other day a Bonsai show came to Pittsburgh, and it was free so I took the girls while Justin was at work, and we walked around and I just love it! I've been trying to get in a bonsai class for a year now, but they always book up as soon as they post them. So after we move to Reading I am going to join a Bonsai society and I am going to train in the art. I am so excited about it. Here are a few pictures of some of the beautiful trees at the show. 

I love how you can see the roots on the rock, and just how beautiful it is! 

I love how the branches go out and leaves are so tiny! What I love the most about bonsai is that it is everything I love about trees in a format that I can have on my side table! And fall asleep with the peace!

Isn't this one beautiful! The flowers are so beautiful to me. They didn't have the kind I want to have, but their examples were still beautiful. I want to have a Japanese Maple.It turns these bright vibrant colors in the fall like the tree we had outside our house in Maryland. The first tree I feel in love with.

Some of the trees can still be big. Look at this one next to Lylia! It was by far the grandest one there. It was a pine. 

I love the groves of trees. I am also wanting to do a red wood forest one! I love all the landscaping that comes with bonsai as well! 










Lylia doesn't know why I wanted to come to the show so badly but someday I hope she will read this and understand her mommy a little bit more. She was my best friend this day, and was a joy to be with! Just walking around the grounds of the Phipps Garden Center.




So want to learn some more about me?! lol, I am being presumptuous in thinking you care. I guess I am just hoping you are like me if you are reading this. You see how I am writing this post today is how I wish all my conversations with people would go. I wish they could tell me all their deep dark secrets of their lives. You see I have never told anyone but Justin about why trees mean something to me. I guess I felt if I shared it that it would take the majesty away. And I wanted to share it now, because it is a big part of my heart that I want to open up and talk about.

Okay so why is there a picture of a rowing team? You guessed it, I wish I were part of a row team. I know I don't look like the type. The point is, is that I wish I did look like the type. I love that they are exercising but that they are part of  a team doing it, and that they are on the water. I just love it! So in a few years when my kids have grown you'll see me in a row team hopefully! That may mean I have to travel a bit to do it, but when the time is right this is a goal of mine. 



The next thing you may not have known about me. I want to be a florist. I took a class in high school and found that I have a very natural ability with arranging. I guess you could say it goes along with my love of trees. There is just something peaceful about flowers. They are beautiful and smell great. They remind me of light. Anyway Justin and I have talked about floral school for sometime and have decided that when our kids are in school full time, that I can go to school full time for this as well. I should have gone when Justin was on his mission like my sister had suggested, but I just didn't feel like I had the support that I have now. Justin just wants me to do something that I love, and I know this is it. So someday I will be a florist.


Okay so the last deep secret I'll share today is my love of Opera. I am specific on the type. I love Andrea Bocelli, and the Aria "Nessun dorma". I have always wanted to learn opera secretly. Mostly just because I love the flow of it, and yet again the peace it brings. I use to crank up Andrea Bocelli in my car, and boy did I get looks. Teenager with opera, I guess is not what they expected! 


So there you go, now you know more than you wanted! lol.