To good to be true

So this may be a bit journally, so sorry about that. This last week I feel like my emotions have gone through a roller coaster. One day I feel over the moon excited for the future, and the next day I feel sick over the future. We got this amazing email from Bean Funeral Home in Reading, PA and pretty much were told that Justin got an internship with them! We are hoping for the official offer in June when he comes back to visit with Justin. But with this news we were so excited! Finals are this week, and with that always comes stress because Justin especially feels responsible to get good grades so we can ensure graduation on time. Well we thought there was a chance we would have to do a class over and that really put me in panic mode about everything from money, to jobs, to sanity. But today we found out that there was never anything to worry about. So Justin will have a two week break and then back for his LAST trimester ever!!!! We are so thrilled, and ready to be all done. I know that people say we will look back at these days and love them, but I think it is probably like having a baby by c section. After a year or two you start to forget how much pain you were in and decide you could do it again. I however will never admit that about these past 5 years. However what I can admit is that we have been blessed and sustained through it all. Some days were so hard, and the heartache almost unbearable, but as Justin read the other day in the scriptures after much trial and tribulation if you are doing what you are commanded the Lord will bless you in due time. Sometimes I just feel that life hasn't been easy for us, and that life is not meant to ever be enjoyed. This thought makes me sad because my personal belief is that life is to be loved and enjoyed. Maybe my view of what brings joy is screwed up. But what brings me joy is being with my family with no stress. Not having to worry about money at every turn and laughing and smiling. So maybe what I am supposed to be learning through these learning years is that money doesn't bring happiness. When someone says that to me, I say well I have the stuff that does but money would just make it easier to enjoy the other stuff. But I know that isn't right.
     A few Sunday's ago someone said they don't understand how people can be thankful for their trials. I know that when I am in a trial I am not thankful for it, but after the trial I can see how my view on something has changed for the better, and for that I am thankful. I know that trials are adapted for us to teach us that little lesson that will make a difference in our lives and maybe many more.
     My family came up for Megan's baby blessing this past week, and it truly was so wonderful to have some of my family here. When you are around family it truly puts the blessings into perspective. So as a good friend suggested yesterday I just need to count my blessings one by one, and to remember what the Lord has done.
I have so many to list so I will list a few that come to my mind.
1. Prayer- I feel peace and trust when I speak with my Heavenly Father. Just knowing that he knows my thoughts allows me to put trust in Him because I know he wants the best for me. And I can talk to him about anything at anytime, and I can't say that about anyone else I know.
2. Family- In my young family with young children I feel tired and sometimes not very accomplished, but whenever I read scriptures with Lylia and sing a primary song with her I know that this family is meant to be.
3. My husband- He truly is my greatest comfort. There are many times when he will put his arms around me and I just want to stay there. He loves me and I know that we will always have an eternal marriage that has love and joy in it.
4. Scriptures-  I do know that when I read the scriptures I feel my Heavenly Father's love. The other day while reading with Lylia I read a line I had read many times before that Jesus Christ is the Son of God, and it took on new meaning to me. My testimony of the Savior grew and I felt more so than before that he is the literal Son of God, and that he did receive a body and walked among men. That truly is amazing.
5. Faith- So while nursing it is suggested that one shouldn't fast, and this past Sunday I would have eaten had I had time, but I didn't have time so I was forced into fasting. Which I am so glad about. There is something really nice about faith that allows a person to give something up for hope of something more. I feel that through the past few years my faith has grown.
6. Eternal Life- I am so thankful to know that life continues after this life. That when we die that we will be surrounded around those we love. I remember a dream I had in which it was a beautiful over cast day, and I was standing on a pebbled beach and the wind was blowing. I was urged to get on this sail boat, and when I got on I was surrounded by all of my loved ones. It felt like I imagine Heaven to feel like. Perfect weather and loved ones all around. It was probably one of my all time favorite spiritual dreams.
7. Good friends- Yesterday I was having a rough time with some anxiety and I thought if I could just talk to a friend that it would help. My list of friends to call was short, and with this I realized that having a good friend is truly invaluable, and I hope that I can be that to other people even if they don't accept my out stretched hand. 
8. Meditation- I watched this Oprah show a few weeks ago about this community that is all about meditation. The whole town closes down and goes to meditate twice a day and I loved that! I so think that is what life is about. They teach children from a young age in school to take time to meditate. Now there is a specific way to do it in their community that you can learn, but I also think that just sitting out on a step outside at night looking at the beauty around you allows you to feel the spirit, personal revelation and just to feel the calming power of joy.
     Like I said there are more that I could count, but these are the ones that today came to my mind that I wanted to remember. I am thankful for this blog that gives me a place to be myself and open myself up to my minds eye. This may not mean anything to anyone else, but it does to me, and that is why I wanted to blog about it.