Smokers Annyonamous

Yesterday was eventful after all with my boss and the smoking thing. I won't go into much detail because well I actually don't care anymore about the details. I have been praying and hoping that work would change, but then realized that the change needed to come in me. Not that I was treating people poorly but rather I was letting it get too personal and I wasn't able to just let things slide off my back. Well last week my boss was going to see her soon to be born grandson, and due to this they told her that she could not smoke there. So naturally that means that she then can smoke every 5 minutes at work. It was simply the worst experience for me. I was getting migrane after migrane and I truly could not concentrate. I had an air freshner at my desk and even having it sit right in front of me, it was making NO difference. So I got fed up sent her two e-mails just stating I could smell it, and nothing in response. So that was it. It was my so to call end of the rope. I decided that I simply didn't care what she thought anymore, I was going to tell the right people and it would stop. So I wrote the dean, who kindly wrote back and told me she would take care of it. Well yesterday I was requested to meet with my boss. I said a quick prayer in the morning that she would have a softening of her heart. Not the case, but what Heavenly Father blessed me with instead was an insensitive heart myself. For once I was sitting there not affected by all the awful things she said to me. One in which and I quote, "No one wants to be your friend here." Just thinking about it, I am still shocked such words could come out of a managers mouth, but then I just remember the feeling I had that it simply didn't matter. That this trial would be such a small moment in my life. The baby was kicking in my tummy while she spoke much harsher things, and all I could think of was how lucky I was to have this little baby coming. For the first time I wasn't shaking while talking to her. I wasn't scared and I wasn't affected. It was wonderful!

After work Justin asked me how I was doing, and I held his hand and said, "Life is wonderful." And I truly feel that way. It is amazing. Heavenly Father does hear our prayers and he answered it in the way I hadn't thought of, which was to simply allow me to not feel anything anymore towards work. I no longer hate it, and I don't care about it. I still work my hardest and do my very best, but that is all, and that is simply the best thing in the world!

I have learned some invaluable lessons this week. I gave a talk on Sunday on Self Mastery and I have to say that the talk was entirely for me at this time in my life. I have over come a part of my flesh today, and it feels simply wonderful. I hope this feeling continues because it seriously feels so wonderful not to feel anything. I told Justin that I neither feel sad, angry or overally happy. I just feel content, and that is all that I have been looking for.

I think more than anything, that today I am happy to be able to say that today is a wonderful day! I thank my mom who has helped me out for weeks on over coming the pain of an awful job, feelings of not wanting to continue with the normal everyday things. Thank you mom for a crockpot that has truly made my life so much easier! It works and I love it! Thank you for a mom who taught me to get on my knees and pray even when I didn't feel like it and to stay in church even though I wanted to go home. Thank you for a mom that still teaches me that being poor is not easy, but it will be okay and there can be joy found in life without money. I thank my mom and my step dad for just being there in more ways than I feel like I can say openly. Without you I would be nothing, and without you I'd be lost. Thank you for your love and support. I'm so glad you are closer! My cup runneth over! Today I am just grateful for so much. I am thankful for my love that works so hard at school and is getting flipping amazing grades, and a daughter that smiles all the time! And a sweet baby that we are more than excited about. A job that provides an income, and a few very sweet friends. And a sister that seems to get it all, and understands how to be the most amazing sister. So thank you for all you do! Thank you for being part of our busy lives! Without you we would be nothing! Without you, we would have given up a long time ago! There is a light at the end of the tunnel, and oh it is beautiful! Truly beautiful!