2 am conversations

I woke up at 2 am, and could not go back to sleep. I have had so much on my mind, that I literally could not get my mind to stop long enough to fall back to sleep. I gave a lesson at relief society last night, and felt so rushed in my 10 minute bracket for something that I didn't realize could take longer to explain. I felt like I had done injustice to my topic. The relief society president said I did a good job, but I am one of these people that always over analyzes everything. I have had the assignment to teach for two weeks now, and have been thinking about it, but didn't write down my thoughts until yesterday morning, so I felt razzled. Somehow I think it was okay, but I just wish it could have been better.
The other thing on my mind was my talk on Sunday. I seriously have been so busy running to and fro that sitting down to write a talk has been impossible. I've been reading materials and things on the bus on the way to work, but it is a piece here and a piece there. Well I woke up Justin because I needed someone to talk about it with. He was more than sweet and offered to listen to what I had so far. So I asked him to tell me what I should and should not include. He knows I worry about sharring personal stories a lot because I don't like to be judged. In talking about the topic Self Mastery, I felt even more so that this topic is a great one for me right now. I am learning how to be more self reliant with every step I take.
Some quick thoughts on it are: I was reading the story about Nephi breaking his bow, and never before had this story become so real to me. Here they are being let with the Liahona by their faith, and then a simple test of faith in his bow breaking and the whole family falls to pieces and starts to murmur. Even Lehi who saw great visions and was a wonderful prophet began to murmur. Nephi was like, hey why are you all murming we have been led by our faith and we know it because we literally can see the liahona working and the writings change as we go. He then shows them that all they need to do is find a straight stick build a new bow and arrow, and then shows them that the liahona will lead him to food, in which of course it did. So quickly they realize how they should repent. I was thinking about this when it comes to self mastery. Lehi was a great prophet and had seen some pretty amazing things, and yet when the simple trial came of a bow breaking, he faltered. I relate that to my life, because when the trials of my life hit lately, I forgot that he had been leading me by my faith and when one little thing came up that was difficult I faltered, and going to church became so hard, and praying was difficult and so was reading my scriptures. It was through these sure foundations that I didn't realize that I constantly had to be working at to keep the spirit with me to keep me from faltering. I think all too often we forget the foundations need just as much work as the big mountain moving principles. I am thankful today for a mom who sat with me on the phone 2 Sunday's ago while I cried in the car, and told me that it was okay. But to keep going to keep attending church, because eventually these feelings would go away. I learned that again today while reading in the 17th Chapter of Nephi.
He even said in verse 3, "And thus we see that the commandments of God must be fulfilled. And if it so be that the children of men keep the commandments of God he doth nourish them, and a strengthen them, and provide means whereby they can accomplish the thing which he has commanded them; wherefore, he did provide means for us while we did sojourn in the wilderness."
Also today was the day, I told the dean about the smoking. It has only gotten worse not better, and today I was tired of it. So keep me in your prayers that all will go well.