So I've had a lot going on in my mind lately. In talking to my mom the other day I still am amazed at just how well she knows me. She made a comment to me about how she knows I hold high
expectations and that these expectations weigh me down at times. I started crying because it is true. I aspire so much to be what I call well rounded. I want to be the hard working wife who supports her family through the college years, I want to be the mom that has all the energy in the world to play with her children non-stop, I want to be the caregiver to my family when they are going through a hard time, I want to be the provider of healthy good meals, I want to be organized and clean, and have everything put in its place, I want to have everything planned out, I want to be well read, and have beautiful sewing projects adorning my home, I want to see and do new things, I want to have aquiantances in all stations of life, I want to not be tired, and I want to run until I can't possibly do it anymore, and I want to be active with my family, I want to have a strong testimony and a calling. All these things are obtainable but as I am quick to realize over and over again, that it is not possible to accomplish these all at once. Line upon line. I've been reading "How to Draw Closer to God" , by Elder Erying. It is wonderful. I've read it many times before and yet I am surprised everytime I read it, and learn something new. There is a part in there where Elder 
Eyring straight out says that people get weighed down by the thought that they can't be that perfect. That having Jesus Christ as our example can be too high a standard for some people, but he suggests that it is through him that it is possible. That yes he can be our example, but trying to live like him is truly where the "through him" part is partooken of.
Last night I broke down crying to Justin. He was telling me of something that had happened to him at work, and I realized as he was telling me that I began to feel anxious. I stopped him and said, I think I am taking this upon myself. I think I feel responsible that you are feeling this way. I then realized that I was doing exactly what my mom had eluded too, that I take too much upon myself. We talked about it, I cried a lot, and I think we have a better sense of balance. We've just been so busy trying to catch our breaths and just haven't yet. I hadn't realized that the one thing that has been bothering me the most lately is food. I know weird right!? Well here it goes. For the past two weeks we've been receiving help from the church for food this month. It has been a very tight month for us, and although I am not proud of receiving food from the church, I am so thankful for it. It has truly been the most spiritual experience of our lives. Everyday is a struggle for the next, and every night I feel a little more down trodden. But I am also finding that reading the Book of Mormon on the bus gives me this strength that I can't describe. I thirst for it. In reading about the stories in there, I am realizing how much they do relate to my life right now. About how it is when we are struggling with trials that we remember the Lord. In Elder Eyrings book he talks about this very thing and just happened to be reading a part on this before reading The Book of Mormon this morning. He was talking about how King Benjamin teaches us how to remember on our own, so we don't have to be in our low times to realize the great joys found in the gospel. It was a good reminder.
It is in being poorer than poor that life is making the most sense. In talking about Justin's work, we are seeing how the power and influence of money truly leads people astray from what really matters, and Justin and I are even more thankful now, for our humble beginnings.
expectations and that these expectations weigh me down at times. I started crying because it is true. I aspire so much to be what I call well rounded. I want to be the hard working wife who supports her family through the college years, I want to be the mom that has all the energy in the world to play with her children non-stop, I want to be the caregiver to my family when they are going through a hard time, I want to be the provider of healthy good meals, I want to be organized and clean, and have everything put in its place, I want to have everything planned out, I want to be well read, and have beautiful sewing projects adorning my home, I want to see and do new things, I want to have aquiantances in all stations of life, I want to not be tired, and I want to run until I can't possibly do it anymore, and I want to be active with my family, I want to have a strong testimony and a calling. All these things are obtainable but as I am quick to realize over and over again, that it is not possible to accomplish these all at once. Line upon line. I've been reading "How to Draw Closer to God" , by Elder Erying. It is wonderful. I've read it many times before and yet I am surprised everytime I read it, and learn something new. There is a part in there where Elder 
Eyring straight out says that people get weighed down by the thought that they can't be that perfect. That having Jesus Christ as our example can be too high a standard for some people, but he suggests that it is through him that it is possible. That yes he can be our example, but trying to live like him is truly where the "through him" part is partooken of.
Last night I broke down crying to Justin. He was telling me of something that had happened to him at work, and I realized as he was telling me that I began to feel anxious. I stopped him and said, I think I am taking this upon myself. I think I feel responsible that you are feeling this way. I then realized that I was doing exactly what my mom had eluded too, that I take too much upon myself. We talked about it, I cried a lot, and I think we have a better sense of balance. We've just been so busy trying to catch our breaths and just haven't yet. I hadn't realized that the one thing that has been bothering me the most lately is food. I know weird right!? Well here it goes. For the past two weeks we've been receiving help from the church for food this month. It has been a very tight month for us, and although I am not proud of receiving food from the church, I am so thankful for it. It has truly been the most spiritual experience of our lives. Everyday is a struggle for the next, and every night I feel a little more down trodden. But I am also finding that reading the Book of Mormon on the bus gives me this strength that I can't describe. I thirst for it. In reading about the stories in there, I am realizing how much they do relate to my life right now. About how it is when we are struggling with trials that we remember the Lord. In Elder Eyrings book he talks about this very thing and just happened to be reading a part on this before reading The Book of Mormon this morning. He was talking about how King Benjamin teaches us how to remember on our own, so we don't have to be in our low times to realize the great joys found in the gospel. It was a good reminder.
It is in being poorer than poor that life is making the most sense. In talking about Justin's work, we are seeing how the power and influence of money truly leads people astray from what really matters, and Justin and I are even more thankful now, for our humble beginnings.
1 comment:
Oh man I'm so glad to come on here and read lots of new posts!
First of all, I do the very same thing. I want to be able to handle everything all at once, and I don't know why I think I can do it all, but I can't. I think life is all about trying to find the best balance for ourselves everyday. It's a constant struggle, but the important part is to keep trying and to do what you and Elder Eyring said--learn on the Savior for help. Thanks for the reminder, because I've been feeling kind of overwhelmed too (I think it has to do with tearing apart my kitchen...) lol. p.s. I laughed when I read your Joe DiMaggio line from the previous post. I quoted a line from that movie on the way to our vacation and John just didn't get how funny I am. :)
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